


How lovely and damning it is love someone like you

by Percy806



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, more hurt no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:14:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29457318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percy806/pseuds/Percy806
Summary: Two lost lovers self-reflect, across the city.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Kudos: 13





	How lovely and damning it is love someone like you

**Author's Note:**

> this took me like five hours, enjoy

Rain softly fell, rain running down the window he counted the droplets until they fell. 

Everything's been different, grey, bland. 

“oh, my love where did you go?” he softly whispered to the cold apartment. Limbs heavy with defeat and exhaustion filling his very soul, he got up for the first time all day. He was tired of waiting and waiting, it was obvious he was never coming back. Tears like the rain poured from his eyes, stumbling through the apartment he found his way to their- no his bedroom. Curling up underneath five blankets the cold still penetrated his skin, nothing was warm anymore. 

Drifting off soft hands and gentle warm smiles played on repeat. 

Waking up everything felt normal for a second, rolling over to wake his lover he was met with a cold bed again. “stupid you know he’s gone; this bed will never be warm again”. Staring at the ceiling all h wanted was to forget about those eyes, those eyes that burned with such fire. Wanted to forget about the way his hands felt, soft and sturdy, held scars but I never cared. I thought he was beautiful, ethereal, other worldly, above everyone. Alas he was just a man that held fire in his bones, stubbornness in every act, thinking he had the world in his hands. 

How cruel of the world to show you everything you’ve ever wanted just to tear it away. How cruel of the world to taunt you with all you’ve wanted in life, to be happy and not the fake happy. The happy that seeps into your brain and bones, making everything lovely and the feeling of being light as a feather. The first day he met the boy with fire for eyes and fire in his fingertips was the day everything changed. A blooming friendship turning from nights out at the arcade winning each other plushies while running their pockets empty, to days of coffee dates with holding your first hand, the first feeling of love blooming. The moment your friends realized what was happening and teasing you both, but they were happy. They always were for you two, the ones who lost everything, who grew up before they were supposed to. They just wanted you to be happy. 

Remembering the day your friend pulled you aside, serious for once instead of light and teasing. Telling you this is the happiest he’s seen you in a long time. In that moment you felt yourself falling further in love, for the man that brought you up at the same time you brought him up. 

The thing is with people like this is that you fall so quick, so happily in love that you ignore the signs. Seeing fire ignite one to many times, to close to you. The stubbornness that you once held so high now stopping him from talking and finding a solution. You loved someone that was a mixture of Icarus and Atlas. A man held back for to much of his life trying to fly, but someone who also felt the weight of the world. The weight of society, the weight of his family. Someone who didn’t want to burden you with his problems, the strength that lined every bit of him slowly fading away. Bones cracking from the pressure, suffocating heat from the sun burning his lungs. 

Oh, how lovely and destroying is it to love someone destined to fall to his own hubris, tell me which hero gets a happy ending? Heracles born and blamed for another's actions, his wife who was trickled cruelly into mortally wounding her husband. Achilles wanted to escape war, Achilles who lost Patroclus and later his life doing what he always did, fighting. 

Everything faded to black as he slipped back into sleep. 

Sitting at the table, the smell of coffee wafting through the small cramped apartment. Thunder softly roared in the background as he stared at his phone. He could never bring himself to change the wallpaper, it held the love of his life at his happiest. 

“was it selfish to leave?” sighing looking out the window to the city that both made and broke him. The coffee he made never tasted like his Sweethearts. “Little shit never told me how he made it” he softly whispered remembering how he was always berated for trying to get a family recipe. Sitting next to the open window blowing open his curtains he stared into the city wondering how his love was doing. 

The way he loved was so wonderful and soft. Filling every crack in my heart and bones. Soothing the racing heart and overwhelming thoughts. How wonderful and damning to love him, gentle hands, green eyes that rivaled the forest they had their first kiss. 

If they met at a different time would everything be alright? Would he still be able to wake up next to a freckled happy face, would they have still cooked breakfast together softly swaying to the music that played from either phone until the bacons started burning? 

The what ifs were endless, plaguing him every day he got up. Clay didn’t deserve him though, the harsh words he spout out without thinking, not being able to talk and open up, Clay didn’t deserve a man that couldn’t face his demons. He needed to improve, get better for himself and his love. 

He’s no fool to think that just because he can make changes, go to therapy and learn ways to help himself that he would be welcomed with open arms. Dream would definitely be happy to see him but also angry at him, which he understands. He still remembers the tears that fell that day, two whole hearts breaking at the seams. 

He wanted to be selfish and stay, god he wanted to stay so badly. But he couldn’t, he was getting worse with wanting to argue all the time, not accepting Dream's love, wanting to be angry and defiant. To many times has he stormed out leaving a crying Dream behind, to many times. He wanted to turn around and apologize, to hold him and wipe his tears away but he couldn’t, back then he thought it was weakness. He thought it was stupid and childish to show he cared, now he knows better. 

Sadness still fills his bones, anger still seeps out of him every once in a while. He knows its normal now and how to help himself when it gets too much. He’s still learning to deal with regret; it still makes him doubt everything wish for things to be different. If he could he would wish on every single star in the night he would just wish to see those emerald eyes again. Since the day he yelled those damning words and slammed that door everything's been bleak. Was is more selfish to leave or to stay? Leaving he had the time, the space and learning to be himself again but if he stayed he would’ve been loved unconditionally but he might not have been able to accept it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Have a lovely day or night!


End file.
